Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
