you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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