11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
