eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
