I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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