I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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