is your mom at the bar?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
