one two three fourrrrnication!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
