i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
