new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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