Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
