Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
