I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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