Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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