just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
