jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
