I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
