Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we should paint friendship bongs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
