well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
