The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
