im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
