i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
