did you get engaged???
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
