When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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