The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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