With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
