this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
