Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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