So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
