I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
