i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
