I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
