Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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