I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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