singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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