But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
