Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
