there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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