if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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