Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
