I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
