Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
