so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize