i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
