Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
