You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
