Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
