so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
