I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
