ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
