This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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