I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize