this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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