That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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