why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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