He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
