I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Houston, we have a blender
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
