I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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