I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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