You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
