i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
