fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Randomize
