So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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