im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
