I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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