So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
