I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
