she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
