I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
