Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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